What I hate is that there's still something I can't let go.
That thing being the reason there's tears pouring out of my eyes.
They strangely feel ice cold..
Symbolism? Maybe.
She graduated. I cried at her graduation too..
I'm moreso mad at myself than I am at the fact it'll never happen.
I'm mad because this entire year I never did a single thing to at least try to make it happen. Or make something happen.
Just the fact I couldn't find that bravery..
It kills me..
I've looked through her photos every day for too long.
It's gotta stop.
I've gotta get over this.
It's just too much to let go..
Every day I went to school she was the only thing I thought about
She gave me reason to achieve, to look decent, to be social.

She was the reason I even freaking went to school..
I miss her so much.
School sucks now.
I want to punch every body in the band room except Annie, Bonnie and Katherine. Maybe not Tate. But everyone else I want to just punch.
Even Brent, my best friend has been so freaking annoying.
I thought he would grow up once he hit highschool but that really doesn't seem to be the case. At all.

These tears are making my face cold.

I feel worse for Annie. She's losing a lot more than me. Not only a loved one, but she gains a probability in that relationship not sticking. There's a chance he might not stay after he graduates..
It's not a small chance, but it's not too big either.
I feel terrible for her. Her stress and everything she has to let go.
I feel bad for Caylie too. Her boyfriend just completely said "I don't like you" But that girl gets way too attached to the point where it gets really bad. They dated for a month and she won't stop crying.

But look at me. I'm crying over a girl I never even dated..
Just stared at.
Tried to get those tiny look-backs.
I loved her eyes.
Gah.. Everything is just terrible now.
But I have found love once again.
So that's something to look forward to.

Is that thunder I hear?
O, strike me now dear lightning.
For I believe I have sinned.
Is this not my punishment?

Good night..